Oderint dum metuant

Michigan Promise Scholarship

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 02:04:36 GMT

Woo!

I got the Michigan Promise Scholarship on the first attempt! $4,000 for me! Yay!

Okay, back to reality. I don't... really... feel the warmth and excitement some of my OTHER classmates feel. Maybe it's because I'm a cynic, or maybe it's because I don't take things at face value. There were people jumping for joy when they found out and other's looking in chagrin. But why? Even if you fail the first retake... and fail the second... if you do good in college, you still get the money, you just have to wait a bit.

But, don't get me wrong, I'm UBER happy I passed! I'm UBER happy I'm getting money! And I'm UBER happy I'm applying to colleges in Michigan!

And, incidentially, since it's no longer the Michigan Merit Award, why they [still] calling the qualifying test the Michigan Merit Exam?
And why rename it in the first place?!

Also, the being stingy brats force you to go to a Michigan college to use it?! Jerks. Regardless of what college I go to, I still passed! I deserve that money!

(This entry exceeds recommended maximums for exclamation marks.)

35 Weeks Later...

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 11:18:09 GMT

Whee, it's been 35 weeks.

Miss me?! Thought not...

It's not so much that I've been too busy to write here, it's... that nothing relating to my life is fit for public consumption and I don't really enjoy writing private entries. Admittedly, this means that a large chunk of my life has gone un-editorialized... but, most of it's sad and depressing crap, sooooo, why write about it. Maybe one day I'll fill in the gaps.

In other news, I do keep another blog at Wordpress, "The Sound of Silence and The Fury". Not personal related, just... a real blog. Squee. A bit of shameless self-promotion never killed anyone, right?

PlayStation Underground and Meal No. 107 - Gamer Snack Pack

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 01:22:31 GMT

If you aren't a member of the PlayStation Underground, I highly suggest you join. You get random stuff in the mail to love and play with... and eat.

http://lh3.google.com/image/JJJJust/RY3U6k6fMBI/AAAAAAAAAA0/iGorAFeUOhw/DSC01131.JPG

What you see if you click on the link is an advertisement for SOCOM U.S. Navy Seals: Combined Assault in the form of a [cheap] "MRE" (Meal Ready to Eat). I'm scared to eat it. I do want to put the patch on one of my jackets or something though. Yes, I'll take the lameness comments for that.

Tylenol's Cough & Sore Throat with "Cool Burst" (tm) Sensation

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 01:24:14 GMT

Okay, now, this medicine has got to be like THE BEST TASTING medicine I have ever tasted. But you know why they make medicine icky tasting? So it makes it bloody difficult to overdose on it intentionally. But with this medicine, you could easily kill yourself.

In short, if you ever want to commit suicide, do it with some Tylenol product with "Cool Burst" (tm) sensation.

Maf54

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 05:45:58 GMT

So, the House Committee on Standards of Official Conduct's (Read as: the House Ethics Committee's) investigation into Mark Foley's subcommittee released the instant messages in their entirety today...

http://www.house.gov/ethics/Page_PDFs/Exhibit%2013.pdf

104 pages of lunch-barfing, pedophilia crap. It scares me, it really does. A grown man... having cybersex experiences with a teenage guy. I don't know who was more stupid, Foley or the teenager. It's still barfskies no matter what though.

Battlestar Galactica

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 02:36:50 GMT

*sigh*

Such an exemplary show has jumped the shark in my opinion.

Unfortunately, I have dropped Battlestar Galactica from my "Must Remember" viewing lineup. I dunno what happened, it used to be good... used to be sci-fi-ish... now it's just melodramatic human interaction drama crap with insufficient amounts of technobabble.

One Saturday Afternoon...

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 03:54:11 GMT

So on Saturday Ryan (the good one) came over.

We worked on the computer, he locked me out of my computer and remotely controlled my other computer locking me out of that. *eyes* We ate pizza and crazy bread. You know, guy stuff. Somehow, I end up with scratches on my right arm and one on my left hand. Somehow... whenever I see him, I walk away with scratches.

Notably, he kept pointing pepper spray at me. *smirks* That was funny, and a bit scary with all the scratches I have.

There's more, but, eh... You know how it is.

Why can't I have more Saturday's like that one?

The Straight Guy vs. The Gay Guy

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 23:23:21 GMT

Friday, leaving school, I witnessed and took part in a most peculiar conversation.

It started with Ryan M. (Not evil Ryan S., good Ryan M. - I'd never stand around after school and waste valuable oxygen by conversing with Ryan S, unless forced to by law or other competent authority...) and I standing around talking about... nothing and waiting for another one of his friends. A girl in my French 1 class walked up, and randomly said to Ryan something to the effect of, "Can I ask you something? Don't take this offensively or anything but..." She couldn't even finish before Ryan said, "Am I gay?" I smirked and she nodded. He answered "Yes, I am." Okay, no big seekrit [sic] there, but, then it took a turn for the unusual. She asked, "So you like guys?" He said, "Yes." I was thinking "Uhh... isn't that the definition of gay at least for guys?" But, I didn't say anything, I can still hold my tongue at times, rarely, but it happens. "So, I can talk to you about my problems?" she asked. "Boyfriend problems?" he said. She said, "No, I don't have a boyfriend, but yeah." That (or something else) led me to say, "Boys are jerks."

The point of this: Why is it that because Ryan is gay, that she feels that she can talk to him about problems? I mean, yeah, some guys are just totally stupid. But why would the gay guy be the authority to straighten out the puzzle?

It's possible that Ryan may have some unique insight on this because he is a guy and has had boyfriends before... but... maybe it's just something formed by the stereotypes of homosexual people that one gets from Queer as Folk and Noah's Arc. Yet, still: Why him (the gay guy) and why in that manner?

It's a very perplexing puzzle that I really don't plan on solving for lack of significant interest. But, I just thought I'd pose the question.

2006 Fun Fair

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 10:32:55 GMT

So, Saturday... Yeah, Saturday, I went to the same fair I went to last year this time with Danny and Cody (who didn't go last year... who didn't exist to us last year, either, I think.).

We did nothing but walk around and look bored, whereupon, last year I was flirting with a girl. The two pictures that survived my scrutiny (Danny calls me a punk for deleting several pictures of me that I did not like. *shrugs*), I think are nice.

There was a lot of hitting between Cody and I though. A LOT of hitting. Danny said we needed to be separated. And some threats of biting... *shakes head* I had Danny in a chokehold a couple times, nothing serious really.

So, yeah, that's that.

I Plead Guilty!

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 03:59:49 GMT

I hold a bag of popcorn which clearly states, "[...] For best results, do not use your [microwave] oven's preset popcorn timer."

I used the preset popcorn timer. Well, on our microwave (which I picked out) it doesn't have a popcorn timer, it has this nifty thing that uses humidity sensors to see when something is done.

So, my conclusions: This is the best bag of popcorn I've ever popped, and I plead guilty to failure to heed the manufacturer's instructions. Punish me as you will.

Oh, and if you're wondering: No salt, extra butter.

The Library

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 23:27:47 GMT

There's a reason that I watch that movie (in this case, Zero Day) over and over again. It's an incredibly simple yet twisted reason. I like it. I don't know why, I just do. I don't watch it solely for the purpose of saying that I've watched it, which would be a criteria of using it to scare people. I LIKE IT.

Something similar for the book I now own. I saw the title in the library, and I just knew that I had to have it. I don't know why my mom let me buy... Actually, yes, I do, she wasn't with me. That's how I bought it. She wasn't there.

Point is, I just have this sick connection with these kind of people. They understand my life. They understand me. I don't want to be like them... not exactly, but, it would have been nice to know them. Loners have to stick together.

The things I do...

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 06:02:41 GMT

Everybody who's anybody in any of our classes knows the obvious fact that Ryan and I do not get along.

That state of not getting along escalated today when I hit him. Okay, yeah, I hit him... but barely. It's not like the first time I swung at him, this time it was more like I was trying to swat a fly away. I didn't even expect to hit him, so, I didn't hit him hard AT ALL (damn it).

Fine, okay, one would think the story ends here with me getting fucked up, wouldn't you? (If you said yes, I say to you what I always say to people like you, "Your confidence in me is overwhelming.") But, no, the story does not end there. A second or two later, his lip starts bleeding. If I'm not mistaken, I think that's the first time I've ever hit somebody where they actually started bleeding (Don't ask about the other 3 times I nearly/did get in a fight. Classified material, you know how it is these days.). You know what always makes me laugh, when a person walks around in circles in rage before they figure out what to do. It's like the headless chicken dance or something and it's abso-fucking-hilarious.

Yeah, but, according to him, he'd be sorry (and not in an apologetic way) if he hit me. *shrugs* But then again, he said if I hit him again, he'd fuck me up. *shrugs again* I'm not scared of him, never have been, never will be. I'm not scared of people, I'm only scared of what they can do.

Oh, and sometimes, you have to love the way the world works and just sit back and laugh. I hit him, he's the one who gets lectured by Mr. MacFarland and ends up late to History and gets lectured at by Mr. Trexler.

Can Dylan come out and play?

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 20:13:28 GMT

You would assume that Advanced Placement English Language/Composition (AP Junior English for those not as formal) would be full of students who are ready to learn. But no...

Let me tell you the story...

So, we were finishing up what we didn't finish Thursday (those kids talk too fucking much) and I was in a group with Ryan and some other people who really don't matter for the purposes of this story.

Yesterday, I almost get kicked out of English class for having an "attitude" It wasn't my fault! Mrs. Goldstein, I'm sure you know her, nice as she is, kept telling me to "get with the rest of the group, I don't want you working alone" because we were doing this group work stuff... And I WAS with the rest of the group, but, I was the only one doing all the work! The rest of them were all talking. And then she told me, "The reason I keep asking you to get with the rest of the group is so that you can kind of keep the on task."... I got even more pissed than I already was because Ryan was annoying me, I totally lost it and said, "It's not my fucking job to keep them on task, that's your job." (And it really isn't my fucking job.) "Well, if you feel that way, you can leave." So, I picked up my stuff and was about to leave when she sighed and said, "Come back and sit down." So, I shrugged and sat back down. I should just drop fucking AP English and take the test. Mr. MacFarland already thinks I could get a 5 without taking the class. After class, Mrs. Goldstein said, "I didn't think you'd actually want leave and I definitely didn't think you actually would try to." I shrugged again and went to my next class...

So, after that little fiasco, I went into AP History mad and slamming my stuff down, and everybody was looking at me, and I of course just had to ask, "What the fuck are you all looking at?!" Everybody got pretty quiet and a little scared... and they stopped looking so, eh.

It's nice being feared. So what they think I'm going to shoot them? So what, they think I'm the next Dylan Klebold? I don't mind that, because we are remarkably similar in all respects. But, I guess it shows I was right, shooting your classmates (or instilling the fear that you will shoot them) is apparently the only way for an outcast to get respect. *smirks* If they want me to be Dylan, fine, I don't mind. It's a nice end to a shitty life. I think it's what I'd want... Terrorizing a few people just as they've done to me since I've been in the district. There will be no escape. Nobody will be able to hide. And few will survive.

You gotta love good political spin...

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 03:26:54 GMT

In flipping through the Granholm for Governor site, theres a section called "The Truth Squad" which attempts to refute "false" statements alleged by her challenger Dick DeVos.
--
The DeVos Ad:

Jim Zawacki: "No other state has a single business tax."

The Truth:

Governor Jennifer Granholm called for the elimination of the Single Business Tax but refused to allow the $1.9 billion hole to be filled with increased taxes on working families.

Dick DeVos supported the elimination of the Single Business Tax, but refuses to tell people what he'll cut police and fire, health care, or education.

"DeVos also said he might not come up with specific proposals before the November election for replacing revenue that would be lost from repealing the tax, which generates nearly $2 billion a year." (Associated Press, April 12, 2006)
--
Now, in reading "The DeVos Ad" you would assume that "The Truth" would be something about there being another state with a Single Business Tax or something. BUT IT'S NOT! It has nothing to do with there being another state with a Single Business Tax. There are no other ones, by the way, so, how could it be? In this case, "The DeVos Ad" is "The Truth".

Now that, is what I call good political spin, at least a good attempt at some.

#1 Nitpick on "The New Facebook"

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 06:24:49 GMT

From my News Feed:

James Andersen posted on Roderick Fitts's wall. 12:23am

haha, you had class until 4:00. I got out at 12:20 today sucker. Just kidding. School is fun I suppose. i'm liking the atmosphere, but I'm not really into the classe...See Wall-to-Wall.

WHY DO I CARE WHAT JIMMY WRITES TO RODERICK? I don't. So, why are you telling me, Facebook?! I mean, I read it all anyways, but, I don't need/want to be TOLD about it. And why of all the people to single out, did you guys single out Jimmy and Roderick?! They're the only ones that this has been done for. That's only mutual-friend wall post news feed notification I've gotten despite there being a few more. BUT STILL, I don't care! Unless Facebook kn knows something about Jimmy and Roderick I don't... Is there? And even then, if there was, I STILL WOULDN'T CARE... as long as they closed the door.

A Little After the Fact Realism

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 01:29:56 GMT

Note: Some things inside this entry may be disturbing to some users of limited maturity and the frank discussion thereof even more disturbing. Reader discretion is advised.

Watched Elephant today, a rather crappy movie honestly, but it's still something I'd put in my collection. Anybody who watches it will probably laugh when you see somebody get shot, the blood bags they wore were completely and totally obvious. It has good dynamics, using 3 different viewpoints to shoot the same thing and showing it 3 different times. That was the coolest. The most odd thing was a scene near the end where the two shooters (both guys) end up naked in the shower with each other and kiss. That was... odd if you ask me and didn't add much to the plot except to maybe add a bit of brevity.

Zero Day should be done downloading soon and I can watch that either later tonight or tomorrow.

And, in case anybody was wondering, Rampage: The Social Roots of School Shootings is in the basement in a bin somewhere... but I have wanted to read it for the third time. Can't get enough of it. And no, this is not research in any form of preparation, I just thought about it like I always do from time to time. Bite me, why don't you? I have an idea for a science project that I really want to try, it's more a human behavior type thing. My plan is to show pictures of supposedly well-known people to other normal ordinary people and see who they can correctly identify.

Now on to the real point. This is the full user profile of Jeff Weise. He last posted 83 weeks ago. He's posted 3 comments and received 1,848 comments. You'll notice first that 255 people consider him a friend, two hundred and fifty-five. And had 4 mutual friends before LiveJournal began censoring. I guess I forgot to mention something, he's dead. I suppose from the rest of this message, you can figure out what he did. He and 7 people died. So. He kills 7 people... and himself... And he gets 255 LiveJournal friends for it. I'll admit, some of these people are shooting attracted people (Not to single anyone out but, this user name caught my attention: rebandvodkafan - It's a reference to Columbine. I forget which one of the killers was Reb and which one was Vodka right now, but that caught my attention.) and respect people like that and are just like that. In a way, I'm like that, I've read the Columbine Report, I've read the journals, I've read the dayplanner, I've read the transcripts, the Bowling roster, and a love letter one of them wrote. I've read them over and over again, it's just something that fascinates me for some reason. I guess that explains why I'm downloading Zero Day. But, regardless, you're not going to see me adding any dead school shooters to my friends list.

It's still worth noting though, a murdering, probably psychotic, corpse gets 255 friends and over 1,000 comments after he and 7 other people are dead because of him. If 255 people can respect him after he's dead... why couldn't they do it before he did what he did? And I ask that outside of the fact that they didn't know him. That's all most school shooters want, simple respect. Simple being the keyword. It's quite mind boggling really. They respect Eric and Dylan now... even though they are the perpetrators of the deadliest school shooting in United States history so far. So, I guess to get respect and attention in this world, you have to take yourselves out, in a school, along with some other random people who don't really matter. *shrugs* Okay.

Old Writing Tidbits

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 22:37:18 GMT

It amazes me the things that I write sometimes.

Somethings are funny...

Tyler yanked his hand back, clutched on to his iPod. “No, no. That’s mine. That’s attached to me. I don’t lease that hand out to anybody. It’s my iPod hand, it’s my writing hand, it’s my world, I tell you!”
-The Point Blank Weekly

“I can’t make any promises. I’ll try. But, if there’s another bacon truck, you realize that you might have to wait a few minutes while we play ‘Follow that Bacon’, right?”
-The Point Blank Weekly

David wiped the blood from his nose and mouth before swinging and hitting Spencer in his face. “Payback’s a bitch, just like you are, isn’t it?”
“I think that’s enough,” Tyler said, pulling Spencer off David and holding Spencer’s hands behind his back. Spencer’s hands were red and bleeding themselves.
Spencer looked at Tyler and chuckled, “I think Sam was saying the same thing to me after her fifth time getting off.”
-Untitled Book

Somethings aren't the most popular...

Spencer put his arms around Sam and twirled her around, so that her back was facing him again. He whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said, thinking he meant sorry for his foolish behavior.
He shook his head, and put his hands back where they were before, over her mouth and across her chest.
Sam tried speaking through Spencer’s hands, but it didn’t work. She didn’t tense up, thinking that Spencer was only playing with her, but then he tightened his grip over her mouth and chest, “Now, shut the fuck up and listen to me.”
Sam got worried, as Spencer was beginning to hurt her. She tried screaming, but it was muffled by Spencer’s hand.
Spencer laughed evilly. “You’re mine now,” he said, unbuttoning the top button on Sam’s shirt.
She started whimpering, not knowing what was going to happen to her.
Spencer pushed her to the ground, “Shut up, bitch,” he yelled.
Sam started crying. “What are you doing?” she asked through her tears.
“I’m fucking teaching you a lesson.”
-Untitled Book

Somethings are just totally coldblooded...

“This,” he smirked, “killed my best friend. And now… it’s going to kill somebody else.” He smirked and pointed the gun at Sam. His finger on the trigger, ready to fire, Sam screamed again and looked for a place to hide. Shaking his head, he moved his arm and pointed the gun at Carrie. Frozen in her tracks like a deer in headlights, she didn’t move or blink. Spencer laughed like a maniac and said, “I’m sorry, but, I have no choice,” Sam ran over to the nearest thing she could find, a tall oak tree, and hid behind it, leaving Carrie alone to face Spencer’s disturbed mania.
Seconds passed and Sam flinched as a shot rang out. Then another, she slinks to the ground, thinking the worst has happened. She started to sob before peering out to see what happened.
-Untitled Book

Somethings are a little farfetched...

The sun emerged from its hiding place behind the clouds and glistened off the silver of the gun. It caught Spencer’s eye and he lunged for it. He looked at the gun on the ground as if it were his only way out. He grabbed it by its handle and pointed the barrel at the side of his head. He moved his finger to the trigger, ready to end it all. He stood up, wiped the blood and tears from his eyes and looked at David. He had no comment, no feelings for him. But then he turned to Tyler, his best friend in the world, who was lying there and still bleeding. Seeing him on the ground in front of him made him lose all hope with the world and with himself. Spencer closed his eyes and sighed. He had wanted to end it all but he couldn’t.
He went to put the gun inside the inner pocket of his letterman jacket, and saw blood on its arm. He reached for the blood and he felt the hole in his jacket where the bullet had passed through and went into his shoulder. His vision went blurry and he stumbled backwards at the sight of the hole and the realization that he had been shot. He collapsed on the bench and passed out.
-Untitled Book

And somethings just make you want to cry...

A week later, the scene vastly differed from what it was a mere 7 days ago. The crime scene tape around the trees, the yellow evidence markers littering the ground and the bodies draped by sheets had all been removed.
Sam took the time to look around and said, “You’d never know what happened here from the looks of it.”
She was right. There was no sign it ever happened. No sign three people who were very important to her lost their lives. But she would never forget. She couldn’t forget. They died over her.
[...]
Sam walked over and peered into the fountain, trying to draw reason from what happened. But she knew that some things happen for no reason. With a tear in her eye, she threw three red roses into the fountain, her way of paying her last respects to the guys she loved.
-Untitled Book

Okay, I'm done shamelessly self-promoting myself.

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 21:31:29 GMT

Male Best Friend
You scored 38 despair, 25 relationship potential, 100 feelings, and 75 patience

You're always there, you're nice, you're the shoulder to cry on, you get along just fine, why won't she/he date you? you're the "male best friend"

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Favorite Bit: "... You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. [...] But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

You know, girls often ask me where all the nice guys are. My first thought is usually, "Not again...". After reading that my new answer is: "The jerk you're dating was once a nice guy. However, he was tired of being used and became evil... It worked too. You're dating him."

Trippy...

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 05:21:45 GMT

So, people have been telling me all day today that I got pretty fucked up last night.

I fell down in the hallway. My mom came and asked me if I was on drugs... I laughed in her face. I don't think that did much to sway her.

I guess I was pretty fucked up.

Schedule

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 04:36:18 GMT

Dunno why I didn't paste this earlier. You know the rules, blah, blah.

1. French 1 (Iafano)
2. Honors Physics (Eschmann)
3. AP English Language and Composition (Macfarland)
4. AP American History (Trexler)
6. Pre Calculus (Dubowski)
7. Newspaper (Hofsess)

Facebook Notes

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 06:14:09 GMT

Great... Now Facebook has a "blog" like feature.

No, what's really great is that I can post it here on LiveJournal and have non-protected (IE: Non-friends only, private, or custom) entries show up on Facebook! That's really cool. It's like simulcasting!

I've disabled commenting on Facebook. If you want to comment, click the link at the bottom that says "view original post", then click "Post a new comment" at the bottom of the page it's going to take you to. If you don't have a LJ account, post anonymously, but tell me who you are, make my life easier. Yes, I do store the IP addresses of those who comment, and using that I can tell who your ISP is and other nasty things . *evil grin*

The Unsolvable Quagmire

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 15:27:06 GMT

In every version of the "Nice Guy", there exists a fatal design flaw called The Unsolvable Quagmire.

The flaw becomes readily apparent when the Nice Guy is presented with the troubles of a really close friend (whom he probably likes) and something that involves that friend's boyfriend that is a recurring matter, causes great pain to his friend (and if he likes her, the Nice Guy).

Now, the Nice Guy has several choices in this situation:

Do what he's probably been doing this whole time, listening and caring.

Attempt to override his Nice Guy programming and take corrective action.

Convince the girl that she's better off choosing the Nice Guy over her boyfriend.

The problem is... NONE one of these choices will work!

Choice #1: Continue to Listen and Support
Problem: It's a crap option and internally dangerous to the Nice Guy.

If his friends are being hurt, a Nice Guy can not and will not sit around and do nothing. Unless you tie him down, but, he won't let you do that, because that leads to uh... other things.

But, really, to a Nice Guy who likes the girl he's talking with, there's nothing worse than having unrequited feelings. I mean, how would you feel if you see the person you like with somebody else, let alone a bad someone else? For the nice guy it's worse because he is so emotionally connected and because the girl will INVARIABLY say they want all the stuff that describes the nice guy. *smirks* Another fatal design flaw is that the Nice Guy WILL get jealous. He'll become distant... and then he'll get angry. He will turn the resulting anger inwards.. or...

Choice #2: Take Corrective and Punitive Measures
Problem: Serious injury can occur, the girl would be forced to choose between boyfriend and Nice Guy. Or, girl finally sees light and does something with Nice Guy she'll regret.

This is the one that worries me. Think about it, if the Nice Guy takes things into his own hands... He's probably going to get hurt, as the average nice guy isn't that big. Not to mention this... If the Nice Guy and the girl are really good friends, and the Nice Guy tries to kill BadBoyfriend (ver. 2.0), the girl will be torn between supporting her friend or standing by her boyfriend, who she knows is bad. The Nice Guy won't want to put the girl through that, especially if he cares about her, but, it may end up happening if he's heard enough.

So, for your troubles, you WILL get yelled at. You will get hurt. You will end up in the ER of your local hospital. If not of facial trauma, then of testicular torsion when the girl goes nutter (No pun intended). It can happen!

If by some chance, the girl finally does see that the Nice Guy has been right the whole time, the likelihood of her sleeping with him or something increases exponentially, and they'll probably both regret it later... Which leads me to...

Choice #3: Replace the BadBoyfriend
Problem: Morally corrupt and emotionally bankrupt choice, as well as a choice doomed to fail.

For one thing, the nice guy doesn't really do this. He'll advertise in the local paper, but, he's not going to buy a billboard with flashing lights, if you get my analogy. If you don't, it's like this... the nice guy will discreetly make his case, but he won't issue an ultimatum or plead or beg.

The odds of the relationship lasting are slim to none. If by some chance you two do manage to get together, she's probably always going to have feelings for the BadBoyfriend and there's nothing you can do to stop that. In the end, she will probably go back to him. You will feel temporary, as if she never really liked you (And she probably didn't). It was just a relationship of convenience.

There's my theory. I don't know the extent of it's truthfulness, but, it does make sense, kind of.

Condemnation [First Revised and Expanded Edition]

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 01:18:21 GMT

I condemn myself for being a "nice guy".

If you haven't read up on "Ladder theory" and "broodings: the nice man's burden", you're missing out on a lot of the concepts that I continuously state in this journal over and over again... And I will continue to state them over and over again until such time as I see reason not to. But, really, read them, it's very interesting data.

Set condition 1-S-Q for "Weapon Systems Readiness Test"... This is an exercise.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 09:54:47 GMT

[Subject lines will be freaky for a while as Starz continues to constantly air Crimson Tide.]

And now for the flip side of the coin... Tails.

Should I really let my feelings disrupt my life, future or present? I mean they are just feelings. Even though studies now say that the human brain is guided by feelings and not by cognizant thought. I didn't think I was the type to have these kinds of feelings though. I mean, they always seemed... wrong to me, like something that I think is mine but isn't.

But, is it really bad enough to not go to that school. If I did go, I would be with my friends and it'd only be three years at the most. But could I survive for three years? I don't know. I could try to get over it, but, I don't know how long that would take or if its even possible.

And, what if I don't go and never see any of them again... I don't like that idea. I mean, sure, we could all plan to meet up somewhere someday in some distant future, but, who's to say that would really happen? People do fall out of touch no matter how hard you try not to.

There is one more reason that I should go, but, it's a reason in a dismal abyss and I don't want to dive in after it and fall into an endless pit of horror.

It's not that easy to decide after all.

Attention all personnel... this is an exercise... in futility.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 07:30:15 GMT

It's me. All my fault. It's my fault for not being able to cope. It's my fault for being unable to adapt. It's my fault for my constant overanalyzing. It's my fault for not accepting the status quo for what it is and being different.

This is natural selection at work... and guess what? I've not been chosen and now I'm being punished.
--
A couple of my friends (the first real people I'd call friends) want me to go to the University of Michigan. In reality, right now, I'm relatively neutral as to what specific college I want to go to. Despite my comments of desiring Princeton and Georgetown. I picked them because they're on the East Coast and I'd heard of them. I really have little specific knowledge of them. I don't hold anything against Michigan. It's a great school and there are no educational reasons for me to say no. They have a good Poli-Sci and Pre-Law program.

But, I don't think I can. It's all me saying no... I don't want a repeat of last year when it came to girls... one girl in particular. That's one thing I couldn't adapt to then and still have difficulty adapting to now.

Admittedly, it was a combination of factors that led to the disaster of last year. The close companionship and the physical manifestations thereof were the catalyst, but, that's not the case here. It's something else, something that wasn't with her, but the people she was close to. I know what I felt then and I feel it now. No, it's not love, it's the anti-love. No, it's not hate, that's the the inverse of love. And no, it's not lust, that's the love parallel.

I can't have that again. It made me do and say some really stupid things. It didn't play with my grades, and I don't ever forsee it doing so. However, emotionally, it was difficult... and still is at times. It was all an act. If she had liked me and told me she did, things could have been different. I would have known that something was there and that something may have grown. But, that never happened.

This is not without its risk. I know what can possibly happen to someone else at midnight (Alright, fine, 9 PM) if I'm not there to have my dorm room door broken down so somebody can talk to me. (No, I don't find it outside of the realm of possibility.) But, I also know what can happen if I'm there for three years worth of midnights (Again, alright, fine, 9 PMs), and in the long run, I think that's far worse... for everybody.

But, like I said. This is all my fault. It has to be like this because of the way I react to others and the situations presented to me. My friends now are really great, and it sucks that it has to be this way, and it sucks that I don't see this changing anytime soon. I know this is very cryptic, but, this is another one of those things that has to be this way.